Celebrity Deathmatch: Offspring VS. Linkin Park
by Niah00
Summary: Someone requested this one!


Celebrity Deathmatch: Offspring vs. Linkin Park  
  
By: Stacie Russell  
  
Johnny: Welcome to another heart-stopping Celebrity Deathmatch! I'm Johnny Gomez  
  
Nick: And I'm Nick Diamond. Tonight's event has 1 match between the most popular rock and roll bands!  
  
Johnny: That's right, Nick. And we have a special guest with us tonight: Trent Reznor from NiN!  
  
Trent: Hi.   
  
Nick: This match will be The Offspring versus Linkin Park.  
  
Trent: Yep. It's Dexter and Noodles versus those guys from Linkin Park.  
  
Johnny: This should be an exiting match!  
  
Nick: And here comes Dexter and Noodles!  
  
(Dexter and Noodles walk out. Dexter looks as hot as always)  
  
Dexter: Hey, Linkin Park! I'm going to send you two to meet the real Lincoln, in hell!  
  
Noodles: Huh? Dex, what the f*ck are you talking about?  
  
Dexter: Shut up, bitch! I'm trying to sound like a bad-ass.  
  
Trent: What a dumbass!  
  
Johnny: And here comes Linkin Park. Note: I don't know Linkin Park's names.  
  
(The two guys from Linkin Park walk out)  
  
Guy 1: Hey, Noodles! We're so totally going to kick your ass!  
  
Guy 2: Totally, dude! You guys are such chumpstains.  
  
Nick: Wait a moment, those guys look exactly like Edge and Christian in the WWF!  
  
Johnny: Dammit, first Kane and now them! What is this, WCW?!  
  
Trent: It's Celebrity Deathmatch, Gomez.  
  
Johnny: I knew that, Trent!  
  
(The camera zooms closer and we can see that it IS Edge and Christian)  
  
Dexter: We'll beat your asses too!  
  
Noodles: Umm... Dex? I'm scared.  
  
Dexter: Just do it, or you won't get to see Pamela Anderson's new porn movie!  
  
Noodles: (Looking brave) Than let's kick some ass!  
  
Mills: All right, gentleman. I want to see some serious ass kicking, and maybe a conchairto!  
  
(Edge smiles)  
  
Mills: Let's get it on!  
  
(Bell rings)  
  
Nick: And here we go!  
  
(Christian leg sweeps Dexter and he falls. Edge is running around the ring after Noodles)  
  
Edge: Get back here, baby!  
  
(Trent Reznor's seat is empty)  
  
Johnny: Damn. It looks like Reznor's going to interfere in this match as well!  
  
(Noodles gives Christian a roundhouse slap. Christian falls. Edge is now chasing Dexter)  
  
Dexter: Must...reach...beer (He runs to the left side where there is a cooler full of beer)  
  
(Dexter opens the cooler and grabs a mike)  
  
Dexter: Hey. I have beer here! (He jiggles the beer enticingly)  
  
(Suddenly Trent comes out with a chair and hits Dexter over the head. He then grabs the beer and runs)  
  
Nick: I don't believe it!  
  
(Edge picks up Dexter and throws him into the walls on the outside. A big red stain appears)  
  
Johnny: And Dexter Holland is eliminated!  
  
(Christian is currently being punched by Noodles)  
  
(Edge is sitting in the audience, flirting with a "foxcake")  
  
Nick: And Noodles might win this one!  
  
Johnny: Anyone see Trent?  
  
(Cut to Nick's locker room. Trent Reznor is drinking beer and looking through Nick's backpack)  
  
(Back to C.D.)  
  
Nick: Hey! That twerp's in my room!  
  
(Noodles grabs Christian's hair and pulls it out)  
  
Johnny: Oh my God! He just took away Christian's golden locks!  
  
Christian: Aaaah! My strength...  
  
(Christinan flops down)  
  
Nick: And it looks like Christian is a modern-day Sampson. His hair gives him strength!  
  
(Noodles grabs Christian and breaks him in half, like a twig)  
  
Johnny: And now Noodles has to fight Edge!  
  
Nick: Umm, Edge is gone.  
  
(Edge is no longer in the audience)  
  
(Mills walks into the ring)  
  
Mills: And the winner is, by default, Noodles!  
  
(Crowd cheers)  
  
Noodles: Now I can watch Pamela Anderson! (Skips to backstage)  
  
Nick: That was amazing!  
  
(Cut to the parking lot)  
  
(Trent stole Nick's car and is heading towards Busty Vixens)  
  
(Back to C.D.)  
  
Johnny: It looks like Reznor stiffed us, Nick!  
  
Nick: (Looking dazed) My car!  
  
Johnny: Well, that's all the time we have for tonight! I'm Johnny Gomez.  
  
Nick: (Still dazed) And...I'm...Nick...Diamond. Saying  
  
Johnny and Nick: Good fight, goodnight!  
  
(Cut to Busty Vixens)  
  
(Trent is sitting at a table with Jenny McCarthy table dancing)  
  
Trent: Wow! I can't believe you work here!  
  
Jenny: Shut up and give me the cash!  
  
~End~  
  
This was a requested fanfic. I know it's short. If you want to e-mail me: Offspringchica84@aol.com  
  
PS- Scott Baio is the Antichrist!   



End file.
